Tried but Failed 💔 And Still Breathing

I’ve tried to end my life on three separate occasions.
Three times I felt so broken, so ashamed, and so invisible that I didn’t see another way out.
But each time… something stopped me. And somehow, I’m still here.

🥀 The First Time

I had snuck a boy into the house and got caught.
My dad was furious—but it wasn’t just anger. It was like he forgot I was his daughter and saw me as some random girl off the street.
He told me no guy would ever truly want me—only what I could give them.

That night, I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, tucked it under my pillow, and cried until I passed out.
When I woke up the next morning, I rushed downstairs before anyone could see and put the knife back.
I lived… but I didn’t feel alive.

😞 The Second Time

In school, I was bullied.
A boy spread rumors about me because I wouldn’t sleep with him. Suddenly, I was "that girl"—the one everyone whispered about in hallways and laughed at behind lockers.

One night, I went into my parents’ room and grabbed pills—two of everything I could find.
I didn’t care what they were.
I cried in my room, turned on the TV, and waited for everything to fade. I fell asleep…
I woke up hours later, and I couldn’t feel my arm.
Still breathing. Still pretending.

🧼 The Third Time

I was washing dishes, standing there with a knife in my hands.
I stared at it. The thoughts were loud this time.
They’d be better off if I wasn’t here.
I can’t keep pretending I’m okay.

Then my mom called my name.
I dropped the knife, finished the dishes, and walked upstairs like nothing ever happened.
Just like always.

🌤️ But I'm Still Here

That’s what matters—I’m still here.

I tried, but I “failed”—and thank God I did.
Because those failures? They were grace. They were protection.
They were a whisper from somewhere deeper than the pain saying:
You are not done yet.

I still struggle. Some days I still feel like that scared, hurt girl holding a knife or counting pills. But I’ve learned that surviving doesn’t make me weak—it makes me a warrior.

And if you’re reading this, fighting silent battles of your own:
You’re not alone. You’re not crazy. You’re not too far gone.

There is help. There is healing. There is hope. 💛

📞 If You’re Struggling Right Now

Please don’t fight alone.
Call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — 24/7, free, and confidential.
You can also visit 988lifeline.org.

You are seen. You are loved. And your story isn’t over.
Keep going.